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the husband

At the risk of badmouthing the dead, I think that snarl was her face's natural state and she fought to make it smile throughout her life.

It's also like I told you the evening Betty the Huge Prancing Ass-Clown casually mentioned that tidbit about your mother and the color purple: There are some people who should keep their pie-holes shut. Especially at funerals. I was within earshot of that conversation, and I wish to God it was us and not Annie she was talking to. If I had heard her say that directly, I would have most likely put my fist into her stupid fucking face. (Only having heard the middle of the conversation and not the lead-in, I didn't feel comfortable telling her to get bent.)

She looked beautiful the day of the wedding, and she looked about as beautiful as they could make her for her funeral. You did right by your mother, Jen.

Mom Dugan

Dear Jen: You are going to feel very strange for quite some time. Losing a Mother is unlike anything else one can imagine. No matter what your differences were, she was your Mom and there is always that empty space. You'll also remember, at first all the time, and eventually a lot less, those last terrible days. My Mom has been gone eight years and I still remember those endless hours by her bedside. Guilt, good gracious it just seems to well up when you least expect it. I think in the long run it's because we're still alive and they are not, thus the guilt. Go with all those feelings, it's the way to survive. The story of the "friend" is beyond belief. Wasn't she the one pushing for a red dress for your Mom to wear to the wedding?? I expect there are jealousy issues there besides total insensitivity. She is to be ignored, that hurts someone like that the most. We all love you and are thinking of you. xxxs Mom Dugan


I heard the story of Betty The Huge Prancing Ass-Clown, may she be known thus throughout the land ever after, and have to agree with Bill. The look on your mom's face is probably for her.

She looked lovely the day of the wedding. The dress was very pretty, and I personally remember her saying that she liked it and was comfortable in it (that was late morning, and she'd been in it since before dawn, trying to get your sisters ready). So Betty THPA-C can go find someone else to lie to and wound; clearly she gets off on it.


I agree with Bill and Renie, that your Mother did look lovely on the day of the wedding. As for the aforementioned snarl, maybe it was the way she wanted whatever lays on the otherside to know she wasn't too thrilled about having to go.

And Mom Dugan is right about the feeling strange. Personally, I don't think that hole ever gets truly filled. There will be those moments when you think, hey I can call...and the the reality is that you can't. But you can have the memories that no one can take away.

And as for BHPAC, she deserves whatever she gets.


Well...if it is any consolation I picked out her bra. That is something to be concerned about for all eternity not necessarily the color of the dress you have on your body. I understand how you are hurt by the comment at the wake.

I was already thinking about that dress even before you had brought it up to Dad. I really liked that dress, and the way I view it is...if she didnt like that dress, then she would not have bought it. As many times as I was with mom in the fitting room she would say "well so and so isnt the one wearing it--are YOU comfortable?" When that lady said that I almost blurted that out to her, but then I was thinking....I am sure mom already thought that when she was out with her that day when they were shopping. Mom was stylin' on your wedding day and she recieved a lot of compliments. Despite what that lady thinks, our family made her stylin' for all eternity!

As to that look on her face... it looked like mom was bitter with death...I think she was really mad about having to leave us behind...what makes me think that is how she was saying during the last two weeks "what are they saying out there?" or "where is everyone? what are they doing?" I dont think the look was directed at you but at the fact that she felt left out, or perhaps at the irony of her going the one way she was most scared of. Perhaps that look is the all too familiar Lockard look of "yeah, just my luck!"

Be at ease Jen. I think you did the best you could, and I think you set mom up for first class in the afterlife. Mom always enjoyed the way you decorated your apartment and would talk about your artistic talents. I think its safe to say, and dont think that I am talking out of my ---, I think mom would have enjoyed everything you did for her because she thought that your wedding was very classy and everything came together nicely therefore she would have trusted you with those decisions and be pleased with the way things came together for her funeral. I think that moms bitter friend was incredibly rude to state her own opinion at the wake. Mom didnt have to get a dress to match your wedding colors but she did because she liked that color. There is no rule book that says that the mother of the bride has to get a dress that matches the colors of the wedding, just remember that Jen.
I love you Jen.


Cathy, I'm glad that your memory of Mom is so generous. You are lucky in that, and I'm genuinely very happy for you.

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