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The Mom Dugan

Dear Jen: When we lost our step-father Marc, one of the things I learned about the Jewish faith is that for as long as one wants, you wore a small black ribbon on a pin attached to your clothing. Somehow when I'd look at that ribbon in the morning before I attached it to my clothes, I'd feel the sadness and grief, have a little moment and then carry on as best as one could. (We had all known him since we were born, it was just like losing a second Father). I don't know why I didn't do the same thing for my sanity after losing my Mom, maybe I didn't have time to grieve the same way, life was pretty tough at that time. I do remember feeling so vulnerable, as though I could cry at the drop of a hat, even though most of the time I didn't. So, if it helps, wear black, or an armband, or anything else you wish. This is the time you think of yourself and not what everyone else is thinking. We love you. Can't wait to see you. xxxs The Mom Dugan


You're the best Mom and I'm not just saying that because you're my Mom by extention, either. Thank you for your support in this, it does make it easier.

I've doffed my hat many times to the Jewish faith, and I have to do it again. What a beautiful tradition; it's a very personal (yet subtle) connection with the process you're going through after a loss. That ribbon would more than adequately express how I feel right now: I don't feel debilitated, I don't feel overwhelmed, and I'm not feeling the need for drama. I just feel sad and the vulnerability you mentioned. Oh boy, do I feel that.

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